1. Coffee mugs with beautiful designs/typography that cost approximately five times as much as a coffee mug should cost.
2. Large/complicated/delicate plants that you know you will kill within the month, but which temporarily make you feel like you are capable of caring for something greater than yourself.
3. Framed prints with pretty typographic sayings of things like “Work Hard, Stay Humble” or “C’est La Vie.” You’ve aged out of the Audrey Hepburn poster age, and right into the “slightly more discreet print in an IKEA frame” age.
4. More boots than anyone would ever need.
5. Several bottles of fancy/obscure alcohol and mixers that will live on whatever is functioning as your bar area, and will sit almost unused for years while you make the same drink with the same three ingredients every time.
6. Unnecessary/non-functional vintage pieces that possibly have not worked since 1973 but add a certain charm to their room.
7. Nice pints of gelato that cost more than anything sold in a bodega has the right to cost.
8. Bottomless brunches that seem like such a great deal until you realize that 40 bucks with tip is still an insane amount to spend on a made-up meal, and nobody needs to be drinking four mimosas before they do their weekly grocery shopping.
9. An adorable apron that you will absolutely never remember to wear, but which provides the illusion of having upped your kitchen game without putting in any actual effort.
10. Coffee tables that are about four leagues out of your price range, but will suddenly make your living room look like an adult lives there, and will allow you to display the precisely three glossy hardcover books you own.
11. A large bowl that lives permanently on your kitchen/dining table and is filled with things that serve absolutely no purpose whatsoever, such as metallic orbs.
12. A particular alcohol you like to order while out, because suddenly you can no longer be a “gin and tonic” person, you must be a “Hendrick’s gin and tonic” person, even though you should clearly be saving the good stuff for when you’re home and it’s infinitely less expensive.
13. Artisanal olive oil.
14. A little table by your entryway that allows you to absentmindedly throw your keys and mail on it when you walk in the door at the end of the day, which is obviously the most chic, Sex and the City move you can make.
15. A fancy “working-person” lunch from one of the many upscale/healthy fast food places that offer 12 dollar, lackluster salads in exchange for getting to feel like a Young Professional, even though lunches you bring from home are often much, much better for a fraction of the price.
16. Candles that cost more than a steak dinner.
17. Incredibly fancy and impractical lingerie that you never end up wearing, except on laundry day.
18. A pet, even though your life could absolutely not accommodate one and you have no business caring anything more needy than a cactus.
19. A french press, even though you already have a coffee machine and/or drink the free coffee at work every day. You just love the way french presses look, and something about them feels so weirdly mature. (See also: Nespresso machine.)
20. An entirely new “business wardrobe” the second you get an entry-level job.
21. Impractical and extremely unhealthy food from your childhood that you buy on a whim because some part of you is still so thrilled that you can fill your cart with Lunchables, Dunkaroos, and Capri Sun, and no one can tell you no.