How “Not Being Wasteful” Was Making My Life Worse

spending guilt

Lately, I’ve been feeling mentally stuck with my budget and my money. I’m out of debt and therefore more financially free than ever, but I find myself unable to shake the feeling that I am not being a good steward of my finances.

Actively avoiding lifestyle inflation (maybe to a fault)

This came up very clearly when I was creating my May budget and considered putting money aside for some new technology. I decided a long time ago that I would replace my laptop and my phone when I was out of debt. My laptop is an HP Chromebook that has served me well since high school, but it has some quirks, such as a broken touchpad (so I need to carry a mouse around with it) and an inability to download software (which translates to an inability to connect it to my printer). Still, it only inconveniences me a little bit, and it works perfectly well for 95% of what I need to use it for. Similarly, my phone (my boyfriend’s old iPhone 6) does everything I need it to, but it runs out of battery very quickly. Practically, it’s not a problem — until it is, and then it’s extremely inconvenient at best and unsafe at worst.

Both of these items do not need replacing, and if I were still in debt, I wouldn’t even consider replacing them until they died completely. But this has been one of the benefits I’ve looked forward to about being more financially free: being able to afford to replace old and inconvenient things in my life proactively and therefore not having to scramble to replace them at the last second and in the worst-case, highest-risk scenario.

I’m also not just spending on these things up front; I’m saving month-to-month. More importantly, I’m not taking on debt to pay for them with a credit card, like many choose to do. So where does this guilt come from?

Masking a deprivation mindset as “not being wasteful”

Growing up, I shared the household food with five siblings and two parents. This often required eating quickly at the table, getting to the household snacks first, and sometimes stowing food in hidden places. It caused a deprivation mindset around food, which led me to eat past the point of satiety and created deep guilt over ever wasting any food.

The same principle applies to money and things: it’s what can cause low and middle-class households to have hundreds of thousands of unnecessary items cluttering their rooms, and what creates extreme frugality or, conversely, spending more than you earn. I err on the former side. “Waste not, want not,” my mother would repeat to me. But despite not being wasteful, I was always wanting for much more than I had. Not usually extravagant things, but things like socks that matched and didn’t have holes in them, clothes that weren’t hand-me-downs, and of course, technology suited to my needs.

And now, on the other side of the poverty line, I find myself stunted by this mindset. This is real, even when I know that passing on a well-used laptop and a twice-well-used phone in order to purchase new ones isn’t actually wasteful when you have the money set aside specifically for them.

Learning to erase guilt by not playing the comparison game

At the same time, I have been able to guiltlessly buy new items and replace old ones in the past; since becoming employed full time, I’ve purchased a new bra, new shoes, camp gear, artwork, and much more. The difference with these purchases is that they are much pricier and thus feel like an extravagance rather than an adult change to make. While smaller purchases have fit into an already-created “miscellaneous” budget line, I now have to make room for somewhere around $1,500 worth of purchases. My mind automatically goes to the fact that I could pay my rent for three months with this, or have gotten out of debt a lot faster, or cover a full month of my expenses.

It can feel like a lot to swallow when I start to play this game of comparisons. The truth that I need to accept is that putting money towards these things is not taking away from these other things. I will still pay for the next three months of rent. I am already debt free. My monthly expenses will be covered.

Furthermore, I am not a bad or wasteful person for wanting to make these purchases. I am also not bad with money because I am going to buy these things. I will still achieve all of my financial goals, but I will do so with a better quality day-to-day life. This is what financial freedom is actually about.

Rachel Scott is a 22-year-old professional who is proud to be a public school English teacher. She’s passionate about personal finance, minimalism, education, food, and travel. If she could choose one superpower, it would be extreme self-discipline. Read her blog at wrachelwrites.com.

Image via Unsplash

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