Every week, we’re participating in #totalhonestytuesday, sharing the things we’d usually keep off of social media, and giving a little more insight into our real (and very un-perfect) lives. Hopefully, in doing this, we can all feel a little less pressure to appear a certain way online, and remember that everyone around us is much more than just the highlight reel we normally see.
#totalhonestytuesday I'm back home and feeling more appreciative of New York and my life here than ever before. I often feel like a fundamentally ungrateful person — I get something, it becomes my new normal, and I immediately forget how much it seemed exciting at first. I get bored of things, sick of things, ungrateful. And I feel incredibly embarrassed about that quality in myself. So today, I'm just going to focus on all that I'm so lucky for: my home, my family just up the street, so many people I love around me, my little grocery store and my favorite neighborhood bars and restaurants, walking Mona around the park. I'm tired of feeling like a spoiled brat: I need to be better, and remember everything I have when I have it.
A photo posted by Chelsea Fagan (@faganchelsea) on
You can consider this a delayed #totalhonestytuesday. So, I'm alive because of these cute lil' pills. Like, seriously. There's still such a stigma to mental health – especially talking about things like medication. Why? Why is it socially acceptable for someone to talk about being super hungover, but it's shame-y to discuss anti-depressants (or other mental health medications)? I don't get it. I feel lucky that I was raised by a psychology professor and human development major, so this kind of shit was always normalized. Asking for help was never taboo. It was encouraged. I was fourteen when I started antidepressants. I did it for anxiety and other health problems, but found it helped me in numerous ways. Fast forward to being 18 and MASSIVELY IN LOVE, I abruptly went off my medication. I thought, well, I'm happy and in love so I don't *need* this anymore. So I stopped. And SHOCKER, guess what happened? I became massively depressed again. It took a long time to come to terms with my brain being wired differently. And because of that, it requires different things. It needs a little extra help. Are there issues with medication and the RX industry? Absolutely. But to shame someone for taking something that keeps them alive is about as fucked up as it gets. You can't pray away depression. You can't think positively and magically fix the chemical imbalance in your brain. Like, ok, I'll just pray your broken neck heals without any medical intervention. That cool? If you struggle, there should be no shame in needing medication. I know, without a doubt, I'm still here because of Zoloft. Here's to you, Zoloft. You my ride or die (because without you…yikes) ❤️❤️❤️❤️
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#TotalHonestyTuesday: it's been a struggle to get my mind right going into my next show. I've been killing workouts and cardio but struggling to VISUALIZE my success. Took me 2 weeks to get my head on straight (thank you @carmenfitness, @stoodley3, & @nickgeris for snapping me out of it!) I'm hella proud of this girl 👆🏼 but I'm going to beat her in 2 weeks. I'm about to go Rousey on this shit and KO the last 2 weeks and enjoy the ride. ✊🏼 📸 @lianalouzon HMU & tan: @absolute_touch #fusionclassic#2weeksout #hendersonthorneclassic #teamtrextraining #bikiniprep #hihaters #dontsleeponmetho #visualize #myfight #physique #aroundtheopa #bikiniathlete
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#totalhonestytuesday I just came back from a trip to the West Coast, and while I was out there, I met up with an old friend of mine for dinner. She's a total badass, who's in law school and is very passionate about what she does. It felt so wonderful to talk with someone whose life and work is so radically different from my own. (It also felt oddly liberating to be reminded that there are people who don't live or die by the Internet, lel.) Listening to her talk made me realize how caught up I can get with my own life, dreams, goals, failures, and #struggles, and that I sometimes fail to appreciate what people are doing in different personal and professional spaces. I don't want to become someone who forgets how to empathize, how to get genuinely excited to learn about what drives other people working in totally different industries. In short, someone overly absorbed in her own life. So, here's to working on that! Weeee
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Today's #totalhonestytuesday isn't about my face or this fancy effect (#sofancy). • • Some thoughts about introvertedness and other factors that affect the way I work. Something I do is that I sometimes delay reading messages – Whatsapp, Skype, email – because to me, it's the same as someone coming up to me and interrupting me when I'm doing something. Some days it's not a big deal when that happens. Other days these intereuptions feel stressful, like ongoing background noise that grinds on my mind and I can't easily tune it out with headphones, because my phone is my space and these messages are in my space. • • I mute conversations, I swipe away the notifications, I let you ring until you hang up. It's not personal, I'm just minimising my "peopling" today. But it's hard to do this at work – it was hard when I had a team under me, it's hard when I'm part of a team that uses Whatsapp and Skype so much. Please can I deal with you tomorrow.
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#totalhonestytuesday I finished this book yesterday. I was on an airplane and there was a 40 minute delay due to weather. It was 84 degrees in the cabin and I felt myself getting hot and dizzy yet I decided that this was the time I would finish this book. This book about life and dying. This book so dense with meaning and sadness but so beautifully written that I couldn't put it down. So I sat next to a teenage boy snap chatting the unchanging view, and I cried. I don't read as often as I should, and I usually take months, if not a complete year, to finish a book. This book was different. I don't think I'll see life the same after reading it. 💯
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#totalhonestytuesdayregram from @jackieonorato Don't forget to share (and tag us in) your #totalhonestytuesday! Here's what she had to confess. * "My first #totalhonestytuesday in a while is a picture of my happy place: my deck looking out to the lake. I started ADHD medication last week and, as I should have expected, it wasn't the immediate fix I hoped it would be. I still have a lot of self esteem and confidence issues that will not go away overnight. They impact my life every day. But at least now I can sit still at work! In the meantime, I'll try to keep reminding myself how lucky I am to have this beautiful view and a wonderful person to share it with."
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Sometimes pipes burst and you learn that sudden major life changes can actually be…okay. Packing the final pieces up and prepping for the next move and happy I'm surrounded by friends and family and a cat who just wants to cuddle. #totalhonestytuesday
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The #Rockies sure are magestic. Even from a plane… I am terrified of flying. Like, clinically so. The anticipatory anxiety from thinking about flying is enough to make me sick with panic. This is totally contradictory with my wanderlust and desire to see the world, I know. I had previously conquered my fear and managed to fly out to Hawaii (over the ocean and everything!) And was happily planning a trip to the Netherlands for work. However, the panic has stricken me again and I fear that I'm not going to be able to fly again for a long time. My desire to travel started when my dad passed away. I was faced with my father's regrets as well as my own insecurities. I thought that one solution to some of my struggles was to post happy pictures in cool locations to prove that I was okay and not struggling. The epitome of any American's wanderlust is to be swept away by the beauty and culture of Europe. Which was within my grasp. I felt like I needed to go to Europe to somehow validate my existence and happiness on social media. Which is silly. Especially for someone with aviophobia. Going to Europe doesn't validate my existence. It doesn't ease the pain of my father's passing. Going to Europe doesn't make me a better person, and not going doesn't make me a worse person. Perhaps I will go eventually. By plane or by boat, I don't know. But my happiness doesn't depend on it. And I'm glad I finally realized that. #travel #flying #fear #wander #traveling #wanderlust #mountains #snow #snowcapped #airplane #viewfromairplane #rockymountains #fearofflying #aviophobia #tht #totalhonestytuesday
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Share your own honesty next week, and join the conversation.