Not Every Article Is About You, And That’s Okay


I submitted my first article to TFD almost a year ago. Having been an avid reader of Chelsea’s for a while, I followed her words to The Financial Diet when she first launched. I loved reading the smart, funny, candid pieces that showed up on TFD, and eventually, I worked up the courage to submit my own. After I was published, I continued submitting several articles a month. Even though I’d been writing for a long time, writing for this site always felt different. There’s a common thread of raw honesty that ties all TFD writers together — it takes a lot to write about your career mistakes, or a struggle with a disease. I admire everyone who has the guts to write the truthful pieces that make this site so unique, and I have always been proud to be a part of it.

In recent months, I’ve noticed a trend in the comments I’ve read on this site –- both on my articles, and on the pieces of my fellow contributors. There seems to have been an increase of comments laced with snark, simply because a reader feels like an article doesn’t apply to them. It might be an article that promotes a certain lifestyle, or an essay about a personal choice, that gets railed with nit-picky remarks from people who don’t subscribe to that method of daily living.

These comments aren’t overtly insulting or offensive. Trust me, as a woman writer on the internet, I’ve received much worse. But they’re snarky enough to get under one’s skin, and they’re just mean enough to feel unnecessary. For example, I recently wrote an article about items you should own by the time you’re 30, and a sister piece about items you should throw away by age 30. The word “should” seemed to sit uneasily with people, as if I were writing a rule book, and saying that anyone who didn’t check off each of these bullets was somehow less-than-human. I even went so far as to try to explain that in the opening of my second piece, but still, some people were annoyed by certain details, like my discussion of a clutter-free fridge.

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about why that is: Why the act of reading a list might inspire frustration or anger when the reader feels like it doesn’t speak to them, personally. Listicles haven’t always been A Thing — they’re a product of our current time, where viral is the end-goal. A piece of writing is designed to be catchy and shareable. When listicles first came on the scene, they were fluffy and endlessly readable. They head headlines like, “20 Things All 90s Kids Miss,” or “10 Struggles Of Coffee Addicts.” They were relatable, funny, lighthearted, and written to make the reader go “OMG, ME.”

But listicles are the norm now, in no small part because they’re easy to write and easy to read. Considering our attention spans have become less than that of a goldfish, it makes sense that articles in list format are literally everywhere. They’re on our Facebook timelines, on our Twitter feeds, in our emails, and on our phones. And because there are so many of them out there, it should go without saying that not every single one will apply to every single person. You’re bound to read a lot of listicles that have nothing to do with you. And when you’re used to reading things that make you go, “LOL literally me,” it can feel like a disappointment or a let-down when you read something and think, “Not me at all.”

That said, while it’s normal to feel bummed out when you read something that doesn’t “speak” to you, why has it become normal — for some people — to feel the need to lash out at the person who wrote it? It seems like there’s a disconnect that is both alarming and depressing; there are far too many people who feel the need to hurl insults and snark, simply because they’ve read something that doesn’t resonate with them personally.

Going back to my anger-inciting article for a second: To be clear, I don’t really care if your fridge is clutter-free or not. Even though having a de-cluttered fridge makes my own life easier, if your fridge is covered in take-out menus and magnets, that’s cool, too. But let’s be honest, “30 Things You Should Throw Away By The Time You’re 30 But It’s Okay If You Don’t Because We All Have Different Lifestyles” isn’t exactly a snappy headline. Perhaps it’s too much to ask for people to take articles — especially listicles like that — with a grain of salt. Perhaps it’s too much to expect that readers will inherently understand that most writers are not actually judging anyone, and that it’s totally fine if their lifestyle is different from your own. But just how you assume that writers have a thick enough skin to deal with mean comments, they are also assuming you are capable of reading things that might not apply to you without taking offense.

Writers are assumed to accept mean comments as “part of the territory,” which they do. But perhaps readers need to start accepting some things of their own. Perhaps it’s time that we just take a collective deep breath and come to the realization that not every single article on every single site will resonate with every single one of us — and that’s okay. It’s more than okay to read an article and think, “Yeah that doesn’t speak to me.” But perhaps the next step should be closing out the tab then and finding something that does speak to you, rather than wasting energy on a negative comment that’s not all that productive.

I’m not saying that we shouldn’t hold different opinions; one of the things that’s amazing about TFD is that we are all unique, and so many people from different backgrounds come here to have a conversation. But are negative comments the best way to express those differences? Ultimately, there’s already plenty of room on the internet for hate; we honestly don’t need one more place where women are tearing each other down over nothing. We’re all better than that, and we need to start treating each other with more respect. At the end of the day, it simply takes more energy to be mean. So let’s choose kindness instead.

De is a New Yorker turned Bostonian and a lover of all things theatrical. In addition to writing, she is an actress/singer/dancer/teacher and owner of the fluffiest cat imaginable. She is on Twitter.

Image via Unsplash

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  • Meg

    Amen! Thank you for this.

  • Ritika Rakshit

    yes, so true.

  • Caila Henderson

    Big time. Not identifying/disagreeing with a piece should not automatically equal offence/anger. Comment sections have no chill.

  • jdub

    So. Much. Yes. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even want to scroll down to the comments on certain articles because I already know what to expect in there.

    • Katinka

      Sometimes, I just need to read the headline to think: “Oh no, here we go again”. On the whole, I find the TFD community really fantastic and supportive. I’ve learned at least as much pf tips from the comment section as from the actual articles. However, there are some topics/viewpoints which seem to rub some readers really the wrong way. It’s just such an outrage culture everywhere on the internet these days

  • Samantha

    Yes, yes, yes! One thing I find frustrating is seeing people that articulate themselves really well in the comments, bashing the piece because it isn’t from their point of view. Instead of bashing a different point of view- they should be submitting their own!

  • Violaine

    I don’t see how that relates to me though???

  • This is so true, kindness is much easier. It takes a huge sense of entitlement to expect every single article on the world wide web to apply to you, or to be something you agree with. Thanks for writing this.

  • Tara

    At the same time, I feel like TFD encourages its readers to have a “conversation” with the content. Comments sections don’t have to be sycophantic and fawning. I was the one who commented about your commandment that fridges should be clutter free on the original. My comment was humorous but also expressed my POV. Not sure why that comment in particular irked you so hard, but people are allowed to disagree, and one of the nice things about internet articles as opposed to ones in print newspapers is that there IS this element of back-and-forth.

    Not every article can be for every person, but nor is it a requirement that every comment uphold the thesis of the article in question.

    • T

      Completely agree with you on this one (and respectfully disagree with the author). We in the comments should be allowed to respectfully disagree with the author, and disagreement doesn’t always equate with snark. Authors should also welcome comments that are diverse in thought, rather than jumping to the conclusion that if I don’t blindly agree, I’m being a troll.

    • Diana

      I’ve noticed only lately, as TFD has grown and maybe there is less time to micromanage every comment, that there has been even the slightest room for even the smallest disagreements with pieces/authors. Before the past few weeks, anyone disagreeing with the TFD party line was run off. Chelsea dramatically banned a commenter, wrote a whole piece about how that person was ruining her life, and then had a freaking brag party about how she banned her on all her other platforms. Recently, a commenter didn’t like something and Chelsea took her comment down. Also, recently, Chelsea made an unhappy face to another comment she didn’t like. Chelsea talks a lot about community and, yes, she founded this one, but community means just that, more than one. Certainly, disagreements can be expressed with sincerity and kindness but Chelsea runs this site like it’s her personal journal and if you don’t agree you should just shut up about it. Hardly the inclusive community we were promised by TFD.

      • Bekasina

        You guys are still reacting with hostility…
        That’s the point…the fridge comment probably irked her because it was like, rude lol. You could have said “Oh actually I like my cluttered fridge” and gotten the same responses. It was the way you all-capsed that her one point on a long listicle that was clearly not that serious that she should “let people live” and then compared her fridge thing to the manic pixie dream girl stereotype which is like…implying something mean about her intentions too. I mean, add the rudeness if you wanna be rude. I don’t care. But don’t be all confused about it.

        Obviously comments sections are there for a reason. You can choose to comment on it and hurl a bunch of personal insults at the CEO of the site or just generally have a rude attitude like saying that this article is calling you “a troll” when it was just a calm reflection on the relationship between writers and readers online and on TFD but…I don’t know why you want to be like that. Just show some healthy respect for the writers and the people who create this site who provide you with all this information and entertainment for free. I’m sure they don’t mind and encourage you to disagree with them, but they also probably appreciate the commenters who have some tact.

        • T

          This is exactly what I am talking about. I disagree, so now according to you I am reacting with “hostility.” There was nothing hostile about my comment.

          • Bekasina

            You disagree with what? You basically thrust an argument onto the writer that she didn’t make by saying “Comments sections don’t have to be sycophantic and fawning.” And you implied that the writer is calling for people in comments sections to “blindly agree.” You commented to say you disagree with something she didn’t even say…hostile

        • Tara

          “Let them/me live” is popular internet slang. I figured that TFD of all places is the rightful home of such language since it makes use of things like sticky caps and ~emphasis~ writing. Also, there have been articles on this very site railing against the manic pixie dream girl idea of a spartan, all-white, expensively chic life. So basically, my comment made use of everything that TFD makes use of, and is perceived as hostile? Okay. Not my intent.

      • Violaine

        But for people who disagree, there’s always the option of publishing an article that shows a different perspective… I believe there was a response to the article about what to throw away or own by 30 – published on 20th October 2016 by Kaytlin Soligan and titled “You don’t have to own anything by 30”.

        I think we take each article as “the voice” of Chelsea because she is the creator of the platform/website; and we take each article literally – as advice from somebody who created a website to talk about finance, who is not an expert but who has done her research and comes to enlighten us. But these articles are not Chelsea’s voice: she chose to publish them because they brought something different, it doesn’t mean that she (as the main editor) agrees with every word. And she allows people who disagree to submit a response.

        I read these articles like I read something in a magazine: some journalist might write about how we should all eat meat because being vegetarian isn’t natural; and three weeks later the same magazine might publish a piece on the benefits of vegetarianism. If I read something I don’t like, I don’t assume it represents the values of the magazine/website – I just assume the magazine thought it was thought-provoking and wanted me to read it too. Not that it represents everything about that magazine.

        • Diana

          No, there is NOT always the option of publishing an article that offers a different opinion. First of all, not everyone writes articles, and second, what makes you think TFD is going to publish a piece that disagrees with them written by an unknown author? Reality check please.

          Third, TFD is supposed to have a specific, relatively consistent theme/message and since Chelsea is the Founding Editor, she will be held accountable when the quality of the work is questionable, whether she wrote it or not. That’s how publishing works. Just ask Gawker/Nick Denton.

          Overall, I think people are complaining about loss of quality (listicles with misleading titles etc) as TFD grows and Chelsea (and others) having nip fits when people state as such.

          • Violaine

            Wow, talk about being aggressive…!! Who needs a reality check, really?…

            I could refer you to the tons of articles I’ve seen with opposite titles – about people who save to travel and people who don’t travel, women with a rich boyfriend who pays most of the expenses and women with rich boyfriends who still split everything, people who believe in strict budgets and people who don’t, etc…

            Yes, not everyone writes articles – but those who do and get their different point of view published don’t complain about not being allowed to disagree.
            I’m one of these people. I read something about having a budget is so important and I sent something saying I don’t like budget and don’t have one per se. It was published.

            Or I could tell you not to keep reading if you’re not happy? Do you expect every website you read, every magazine you buy, to always reflect consistent ideas and to always publish things that you agree with and find relevant? Do you contact The New York Times when they publish something that criticizes the last Bridget Jones movie that you happened to love? Do you get mad at Taylor Swift because she only ever writes about breakups and you’re in a happy relationship? Do you uninstall Instagram because some people put pictures of pasta but you can’t have gluten?

            I think the variety of experiences posted here is what brings the website together and makes it a consistent thing. Yes, some articles are better than others – I am not a big fan of the best bits of Reddit for example – but that’s normal, and nobody forces you to read them.

            You’re going to have a hard time in life if you get offended so easily or if you can’t get over the fact some articles are not as well written as others.

          • Diana

            You’re missing my point. And who ever promised you nothing but roses and puppies?

            My point is that dissent is adaptive and beneficial and too often around here dissent is kicked off “aggressively”.

            Enjoy your day.

          • Violaine

            I sure will! Have a wonderful day as well!

  • Charlene

    How about:
    “30 Things You Might (or Could) Consider Throwing Away” (?)

    I suppose this is beside the point, but I find that age can be a touchy subject for people, and it’s magnified when you title it in a way that seems to address people directly. I think you have good ideas and I appreciate your articles, although sometimes I get apprehensive when I read an article that seems to be talking down at me when I see TFD as a forum for people to talk about money candidly, as many others have expressed.

    Perhaps tone is another thing that should be considered by TFD writers and editors before publishing an article. Recently, I was in a community event and I learned from someone that financial literacy / money management events are poorly attended specifically because people don’t want to be told what to do, even if they want to learn about money and finances.

    • BI

      Or how about:
      “30 Things I Want to Own/Get Rid of by Age 30?”

      I reread your two 30-things articles, and you say in your second article that your first article was based on your personal experience. Mary writes a lot of articles where the titles make it obvious that the articles are based on her personal experiences and I don’t think people respond to her articles the way they have to yours. So why not change the wording of the title so that it truly reflects what you mean? I think “30 Things I Want to Own by Age 30” is still catchy. It probably won’t get as many angry clicks but since you’re trying to avoid that, why not?

  • Emilia

    I saw the title and thought I would enjoy this piece and I would say that I mostly agree with it.

    But I will say it is on the author of a article to better define the audience it’s for. When you say “things people should have by 30” and then you get upset that people feel like it doesn’t resonate to the very wide audience that you identified in the headline, I think that’s more of an editorial issue than people being snarky or mean.

    Maybe be a little more creative about targeting who you are actually speaking to. And I think it’s kind of lazy to say, “well, this other title just doesn’t sound as good.” Ok, fine, but be ready for reactions when people feel drawn into something that wasn’t for them in the first place.

    And of course the word “should” is heavily loaded. In its definition alone is a judgment. So, if “should” isn’t what you mean, then use a different word. Don’t chastise the audience for taking your words at face value.

    • AttaW

      Well said!

    • Tara

      Yes, I definitely agree. Maybe title the piece something like “30 Smart Things to Invest in by 30” or “30 Things to Reconsider at 30.” Titles around here are always kind of hit or miss; a lot of times they’re very clickbaity which I know brings in revenue and all. But the title draws you in, and if the article doesn’t live up to it or it’s divisive from the start, it can generate a lot of commentary.

  • egust01

    If anyone watched 60 Minutes last night, the election portion of the show kind of discussed this idea.. that we as humans no longer think “Let me listen to you, and let us try to understand each other better.” We think “YOU are GOING to listen to ME, and I will make sure that you do!!!”

    Hostility in comments, or feeling the need to constantly argue a piece kind of ties into that.

  • This is a great post and something I’ve noticed as well. It’s one thing for people to disagree with what the writer is saying, but it’s quite another to comment with snark. One of the coolest aspects of TFD is that it’s a place that offers so many different writers the chance to share their opinions and perspectives. Sometimes an article will feel like it was written perfectly for you, and other times it won’t resonate well with you at all. For example, as a male, there are certain TFD articles regarding challenges that females face that I can’t personally relate to, yet I can learn and grow as a person from reading those articles. If an article doesn’t resonate well with you, then forget about it and move on with your life. If it does, then reflect on it, learn, and grow. There’s no need for negativity or put-downs towards the writers.

    • TJ

      I saw this happen on a few of your articles too. I enjoyed them. You responded to the criticism pretty well too 🙂

      • Thanks TJ I appreciate that a lot! I’m always open to constructive criticism because that’s how I learn and grow as a writer. Writing is tough because there’s a lot of vulnerability in sharing your story for everyone to read and potentially judge/tear down. For the most part people are very positive and encouraging. Just because I may be writing an article about a certain topic doesn’t mean I’m an expert or have it all together, it’s all about sharing different perspectives so that we can all learn and grow. The goal with my writing is to help people however I can, but that won’t happen for every single person with every single article, but that’s ok.

  • Alexis

    I think disagreeing (respectfully, of course) with the specifics of an article is one thing. But this particular article highlights the inherent and outrageous narcissism of the average internet commenter really nicely: it’s not all about you. Cue indignation, as though there’s some sort of overriding handbook on ‘How to write content for the interwebs’ that specifically instructs writers to ‘…make sure you declare every generalisation as such, ensure you qualify every pseudo-absolute statement so as to not offend the delicate flowers who will greedily devour your free content and be morally outraged if it isn’t tailored individually and specifically for them personally…’

  • Judith

    Maybe people are just too used to facebook filtering articles and people who agree with them that they have grown unused to things that don’t agree with them?

  • Savanna Swain

    I felt the exact same way when a I had a piece published here several months ago that received a lot of backlash. People made assumptions that my tone & different opinion meant I was deliberately calling other misinformed or wrong, which was never any where in my piece. A different opinion is not an attack!!
    Thank you for writing this!

  • Bri

    Obviously any serious aggression towards you for those articles is uncalled for. But here’s the thing – not everyone is going to agree with your writing, and they may comment on it because you posted it online for us to consume, and that’s okay, too. No, it’s not cool for someone to lash out at you over a listicle. But listicles on finance websites aren’t the same as “10 Things Every Millennial Will Relate To” on Buzzfeed. If you say we “should” do this or that and we comment back that – hey, no, you don’t actually have to and I think it’s kinda silly to imply that you do, that’s not really a “negative” comment to be up in arms about. I’m not saying comments like “you’re stupid” or “shut the fuck up” are okay. I’m saying that if you post an article online, there may be some feedback you don’t like and that’s okay, too. Also – it’s not just TFD commenters who are snarky, the writers here can sometimes sound very patronizing, snarky, and negative.

    • Bri

      Plus, it’s the internet, the tone of your writing (article or comment or otherwise) can be misconstrued constantly.

    • Diana

      You nailed it! TFD writers, especially Chelsea, IMO, can be BIGTIME patronizing, snarky, and negative! Which is exactly why it’s entirely bogus for TFD/Chelsea to complain/delete comments when people call it out.

      • Bri

        I don’t know that it’s especially Chelsea or Lauren or Holly, although obviously their editing has allowed some particularly patronizing pieces to be published, I often find they’re the writers who seek to understand people’s finances the most. Also, I’m not trying to say Chelsea didn’t have every right to delete awful comments she got from people like Jane (? I think that was their name), who was continuously rude and negative to a ridiculous and tiring point. I just don’t think that pointing out flaws in an article is bad.

  • Tara Jane

    I think it goes both ways. When you post on the internet, you’re opening yourself up to a variety of responses, both positive and negative. Some people can be kind as they disagree and rude as they agree, and some can simply forget that there’s a person on the other side of the screen. As writers, we need to develop thick skin when people disagree, and we need to remember that it’s okay to back our ideas/article titles and stand by our choices. As commenters, we need to express our opinions and reactions in ways that are clear and concise and kind.

  • AttaW

    I hadn’t read the two other articles, so I went back and took a look. I am bewildered that anyone could interpret the dissenting comments as “mean.” A couple were snarky, sure, but not a single one was malicious. The vast majority of people who took issue with the pieces were respectful and made fair arguments.

    No one said the problem was the listicle format — the problem was with the content. Even if you’re suggesting that it might be a good idea for people to maybe go out and buy a new set of dishes (when their old ones work perfectly fine), you are, however gently, promoting consumerism: “I am sick of X item even though it still works.” Most of all, these types of articles encourage status anxiety. That’s the kind of nuance-blind writing I personally come to TFD to avoid.

    My bottom line is that, while you may not have liked what people thought of your article, you don’t get to control how a reader reacts to your piece.* (Especially when the reactions are completely warranted.) You release your writing out into the world, and it takes on a new life with every reader. If you think readers misinterpreted your ideas, you should have chosen your words more carefully.

    *obviously this does not apply to hate speech, idiotic trolling, etc. But I found none of that in the comments.

  • Bidisha Dasgupta

    What’s the slippery slope between “not everything has to be related to you” to ” most of the content isn’t related to you?”

    There are some lines you’re drawing here that can’t be explained away with LOL literally me. The solution to non-representation of experience is not always closing the tab and going to another site. That shuts down dialogue and leads to a lack of any meaningful conversation.

    Of course, I realise that your tone here is more directed to “authors are not judging you for making different choices” and not ” diversity of experience needs to be represented”. And you seem to also be an advocate of kind comments rather than snarky ones. I agree with both stances. Although I’d also like to point out that even snarky comments, like clickbaity articles, are not by default invalid just because they are aimed to design a reaction out of the reader.

    I don’t disagree with you. But I feel you might have left out a certain nuance in your article.

    • Holly Trantham

      Hey Bidisha – I totally agree that most places on the internet need more representation of voices. If you ever want to submit anything, let me know!

      • Bidisha Dasgupta

        Thanks Holly! I’m glad that TFD here cares about diversity.

  • Summer

    Excellent timing with this, as I was just thinking yesterday about how I kind of want to write a piece about the need for reader responsibility. I’m so tired of the endless slew of comments basically telling the author how wrong they are because the article doesn’t directly corroborate their own lives. Not even just on TFD, but basically everywhere on the internet. Also yesterday, not long after I was thinking about this very subject, I was researching slow-cookers because I’ve yet to repurchase one since moving to Germany (they’re more expensive and not as prevalent over here). During my comparison of sizes, I came across an article that mentioned crockpots as one of several items that someone may consider getting rid of (or avoiding purchasing in the first place) in order to save space in the kitchen if it is something that isn’t used often. Naturally, the comment section was filled with person after person insinuating that this is an absolutely ludicrous thing to get rid of: “I use my crockpot 2-3 times a week!!” and “I use mine almost daily!” “that’s the LAST thing I would get rid of in my kitchen!” etc etc etc. It seems obvious to me that if you use your crockpot on a frequent basis, of course you won’t be putting it out on the street. Why is it so impossible for people to just skip over the bits and pieces of an article that may not apply to them?

    Somewhat in line with all of this, I’m also tired of people blaming social media and blogs for their spending habits. Someone’s pretty, carefully curated interior design blog is not responsible for you spending $4k at Crate & Barrel instead of $1500 at IKEA. A makeup review vlog is not to blame for your Saturday shopping spree at Sephora that left you with 20 new eyeshadows and $130 less in your checking account. Instagram does not force you to drop hundreds on new clothes or expensive groceries or fancy photography equipment or whatever your particular vice may be. These things may all be sources of inspiration and motivation and might cause you to feel pangs of “I want that,” but I just can’t with people’s attempts to shift blame for their credit card debt to the ~pressure~ of social media and online communities. Yes, it’s great when the people behind these impressive platforms are transparent about their lives—everyone appreciates a little honesty and a good dose of reality sometimes—but they don’t have to reveal any of that just for our sake. As readers, we simply HAVE to have the good sense to realize that not every article is going to apply to us personally, and not every social media post that we like or favorite or upvote is made with our individual finances in mind. We collectively have to do a better job of owning our shit and taking responsibility for our reactions to the things other people choose to share.

    • Violaine


    • Holly Trantham

      Summer, if you ever want to write about how you’re tired of people blaming their spending habits on social media, I’d love to read it 🙂

      • Smart Money With Lydia

        I’d love to read it too.

  • Bee

    I feel that a lot of this article is you being annoyed that more people don’t agree with you! I also think there can be a somewhat superior tone emanating from this website of late. And occasionally there’s a bit of aggression in your headlines! It’s clickbait, sure, but it’s a bit off putting. And then you complain of snarky comments – surely that’s hypocritical! You can write an opinion piece, but you don’t want other’s opinions?

    So you would prefer people to not offer any sort of feedback, just unwavering adulation? As Dumbledore said, if you’re waiting for universal approval, you’re going to be waiting forever.

  • Kalee Cowan

    Yes! Thank you for this one, De.

  • Allison McGregor

    So great to read this. That final paragraph was my favorite! Keep it up.

  • nycnative

    Hmm, I also wrote a comment disagreeing with the “30 things you should own by 30” piece, so I feel this is partly directed to me. I’ll only make two quick points in response. First, it’s a strange world when a writer makes the argument that his or her work should be taken “with a grain of salt.” Second, it’s a complete cop-out to argue that people who are disagree with you are only doing it because what you wrote “doesn’t apply to them.” They obviously thought it did apply to them, which is why they bothered to read the piece and to respond. Dismissing everyone who has an opposing opinion as someone who should never have read the piece in the first place is nonsensical because you’re attacking your readers for…reading you. I know it’s hard to take criticism on the internet and I’m sympathetic to writers who put themselves out there, online and in print. But you don’t get to tell me what articles do or don’t apply to me, or how I’m allowed to feel about them, especially when they come in the form of advice on a personal finance website.

    Also, I would never condone personal attacks or spiteful language, but I’m a strong, opinionated lady, and my comments are going to reflect that. Being assertive in an argument is not the same thing as being personally vindictive or “mean.” In the nicest way possible, it honestly sounds to me like you need a thicker skin.

    • Bee

      Totally agree!!